Wednesday, March 25, 2009

.restless as a willow in a windstorm.

I think spring does something to me, and mostly, it's good. Days like this - sunny and warmer - make me feel more charged. I'm not a naturally motivated person, despite the things I have accomplished in life. I have to work at it and off and on lately I've felt overwhelmed. But the last couple if days I have been coming out of it, feeling clearer and thinking more about all the things I want to do. Moreso, I've been thinking about how to reach those goals. Occasionally, I feel so far away from the things I want and I obsess about dying unfulfilled. Yes, I think about that, morbid as that may be (or dramatic, maudlin - pick an adjective). I am between books right now, though, and the ones I am reading have me all over the map emotionally. And that's good. Yes, good. At work, I am listening to the audiobook of Kris Radish's Annie Freeman's Fabulous Traveling Funeral (not the most briliiant thing ever written, but it has its really insightful moments and it's really fun, too...for a funeral). And while I am waiting for The Host to come back my way (long story short: had to return it while I was smack in the middle because it was very overdue and the lords of the library were making a fuss; put a hold on it at both CPL and SPL and am now waiting for it), I am reading a wonderful graphic novel called French Milk that is making me realize how desperately I want to go to Paris and alternating that book with Denise Levertov's poetry. The effect is this: me wanting to write more, read more, travel more, do things for myself more. The poetry makes me want to sit in the corner and write lines and lines of verse; the graphic novel makes me want to draw, write more about my own experiences, be more aware of my surroundings and what's in my head and heart...and of course, travel; and the Radish novel makes me think about how I'd like to go out of this world and more importantly, how I'd like to live while I am in it.

So maybe it's not the change in seasons alone, but also, my choice of reading material that's making me feel this way. Either way, it's really great. I have to make a list of the things I want to do and get pro-active about getting them done.

1 comment:

  1. That sounds fabulous! I'm so excited I get to see you next week and we can talk about such things in person :)