Sunday, April 6, 2014

Procrastination nation...

I missed posting the last couple of Thursdays - illness, social obligations, work obligations and the like kept me busy and the time that I did have online was spent wasting it on Hulu, Tumblr and Facebook, my usual distractions. This past Thursday was the first of the month, so now I'm behind on Turn To You installments as well. Readers (all two of you, haha) can expect that later tonight. For now, I thought I'd post something that I wrote as part of a free expression exercise in one of my writing groups earlier this week.

I'm sitting in a coffeehouse, half-asleep, looking at the moon, but wishing for a comet. I feel alien to this place and this experience: the experience of writing, much more so than I used to. I used to squat in halls of English departments, journaling like a madwoman, like my hand was on fire and words were the only thing that would extinguish the flame. Waiting for professors or fellow classmates to come by or congregate. I used to TALK about writing, but also, live and breathe writing, which is probably what nourished me in all those years that I was kept alive by caffeine and ramen. Not that it's that different now; I'm still the starving artist, minus the artist. And now, I'm looking through the keyhole from this life into my old life and wondering, "Where did the time go?" and "What's next?"

I've had a lot going on with me lately; you know I'm not going to elaborate on the personal stuff, but at work, we're short on manpower and that's overwhelming. I constantly feel like I'm not getting enough done. We need more shelvers and more volunteers, too, I think. Then there's the whole graduate school application process. Because application fees, plus the fees for all post-high school transcripts (meaning my community college transcripts and my university transcripts, both) are not cheap, I'm having to stagger my applications. That wasn't something that had occurred to me before I started the actual process. I do feel a bit jaded with things in my life right now, which is totally my own fault, I think. It's I who needs to harness my energy and figure out what to do about the weight of all these things...

Anyway, stay tuned. I'll post the next installment of Turn To You tonight.

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