It's been a long week. I can't even begin to tell you. Maybe it is because it's that time of the month, or because I missed my meds once or twice or just because I have been so full of anxiety and worry over all things that I felt drained and about to snap. I miss my cat's sleepy face and purr and I miss my things and I don't like not knowing where I will be sleeping in three days. I don't like borrowing or relying on others because it makes me vulnerable and dependent on things and people; one would think I might be more used to feeling so...displaced. But you'd be wrong. Nevertheless, at the worst times, I really feel like running away & disappearing in the worst way.
Anyway, in the midst of the shitstorm that is my life currently, I am trying to do NANOWRIMO. Today, I got up to over 7,000 words. This is still pretty far behind, and honestly, the fact that I am doing it at all may be a testament to how cray, cray I am lately.
Or...just maybe it's a testament to my strength and resilience. Like: look, here is one more thing I made it through, and maybe I am dirty and hungry and poor and sometimes I feel so alone and so out-of-control that I want to cry or scream or punch something. But, look! Look what I made out of it!
And that said: guys, if I can do this, so can you.
Wish me luck. I am gonna break 10,000 words this weekend. Just watch me do it.