I do this yearly: try to read at least 50 books a year. I don't always make it. It doesn't look like I am going to this year, actually, since the new year starts next week. Still, I may surprise myself. Or maybe I can read a few graphic novels to bridge the gap. Anyway, this is the list of books I have read so far in 2007:
1. Tomorrow Wendy - Shelley Stoehr
2. Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides
3. Female Masculinity - Judith Halberstam
4. The Robber Bride (re-read) - Margaret Atwood
5. What A Funny Time To Be Gay - Ed Karvoski Jr.
6. Clean Slate: New & Selected Poems - Daisy Zamora
7. Trans-Sister Radio - Chris Bohjalian
8. Is My Cat Ok? How To Know When Your Cat Won't Say - Jeff Nichol
9. The Chocolate War - Robert Cormier
10 The Hours - Michael Cunningham
11. My Heartbeat - Garret Freymann-Weyr
12. Ramsacking The Closet - Yvonne Zipter
13. The Patience of Metal: Poems (re-read) - Yvonne Zipter
14. A Widow For One Year - John Irving
15. Mountain Man Dance Moves: The McSweeney's Book of Lists
16. Kissing Kate - Lauren Myracle
17. Empire Falls - Richard Russo
18. Sugar Rush - Julie Burchill
19. Good-bye to shy : 85 shybusters that work - Leil Lowndes
20. Luna - Julie Anne Peters
21. Skies: Poems - Eileen Myles
22. Dykes To Watch Out For: The Sequel (graphic novel)- Alison Bechdel
23. The Color Purple - Alice Walker
24. Wicked - Gregory Maguire
25. Stone Butch Blues - Leslie Feinberg
26. Night - Elie Wiesel
27. Notes From The Underground - Fyodor Dostoevsky
28. Orlando - Virginia Voolf
29. I Capture The Castle - Dodie Smith
30. The Corrections - Jonathan Franzen
31. Kissing The Witch - Emma Donoghue
32. Mirror Mirror - Gregory Maguire
33. Hello Groin - Beth Goobie
34. The Time Traveller: Poems - Joyce Carol Oates
35. Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister - Gregory Maguire
36. The Rules for Hearts - Sara Ryan
37. Two Kinds of Arson - Brandi Homan
38. Fun Home - Alison Bechdel
39. After The Wreck...(it's a really long title, so I'm abbreviating it) - Joyce Carol Oates
40. Stolen Sharpie Revolution - Alex Wrekk
41. Stardust - Neil Gaiman (re-read)
42. Strangers In Paradise - Terry Moore
43. Dream Work (poems) - Mary Oliver
44. The Plain Janes - Cecil Castellucci
45. Me Talk Pretty One Day - David Sedaris
46. Redwall - Brian Jacques (re-read)
47. The Squirrel Mother - Megan Kelso
::see those read in 2005 & 2006::
And I'm open to reading suggestions all year, every year.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Friday, December 7, 2007
One Pill Makes You Small...
I have been fighting it for awhile: the need to resume my medication. The last time I went to see my psychiatrist, she upped my dosage and I became a narcoleptic, somewhat frigid Louise. This was not my intention. I never wanted my libido to go bye-bye, since I have a girlfriend. And since I have actual things to do with my life, I would like to not sleep through it. So yes, this is a problem. And I've had similar problems with all the meds I've been on. In fact, my doctor said that the problems regarding my libido would probably be there no matter what I am on. Well...fuck.
So I just stopped. I filled my prescription and then, never took a single pill. I just didn't want to. I'm tired of *needing* medication so much. I'm afraid of needing it my entire life, and I don't want to. Especially since the side effects suck so much.
10 little mgs of Lexapro. 10, and I am completely no fun. I can't drink, because that will only make me more likely to conk out on whoever I am with. I can't stay out late, because I start to feel exhausted. I really can't do anything worth doing.
But then there is life OFF my meds: searching for constant reassurance that I am not an idiot, not dull, not ugly, not just an all-around terrible, insane loser. Life without medication means that, yes, I can drink, go out, stay up late and that I am even interested in fooling around again. But that's only between the deep and deeper lows I experience; oversensitivity to everything (facial expressions, tones of voice, etc.), social anxiety on overdrive (feeling stupid no matter what I say to people, shaking, feeling dizzy because I am basically hyperventilating, and thus, becoming a recluse, despite my overwhelming desire for human contact), and the feeling that I am completely losing my marbles. This doesn't make me very much fun, either. And the libido issue? It doesn't matter so much when you lose your desire because you're in tears and all you can think about is how much you dislike youself
So, this is where the dilemna lies. Neither option is particularly favorable. I don't want to lose someone I love because I am such a mess, though; I don't want to feel like such a mess, either.
Looks like it's back to the meds. At least until January, when I see my doctor and look into other options. I know it's something I should have done long before now. If only I could learn to be more straightforward with my psychiatrists.
So I just stopped. I filled my prescription and then, never took a single pill. I just didn't want to. I'm tired of *needing* medication so much. I'm afraid of needing it my entire life, and I don't want to. Especially since the side effects suck so much.
10 little mgs of Lexapro. 10, and I am completely no fun. I can't drink, because that will only make me more likely to conk out on whoever I am with. I can't stay out late, because I start to feel exhausted. I really can't do anything worth doing.
But then there is life OFF my meds: searching for constant reassurance that I am not an idiot, not dull, not ugly, not just an all-around terrible, insane loser. Life without medication means that, yes, I can drink, go out, stay up late and that I am even interested in fooling around again. But that's only between the deep and deeper lows I experience; oversensitivity to everything (facial expressions, tones of voice, etc.), social anxiety on overdrive (feeling stupid no matter what I say to people, shaking, feeling dizzy because I am basically hyperventilating, and thus, becoming a recluse, despite my overwhelming desire for human contact), and the feeling that I am completely losing my marbles. This doesn't make me very much fun, either. And the libido issue? It doesn't matter so much when you lose your desire because you're in tears and all you can think about is how much you dislike youself
So, this is where the dilemna lies. Neither option is particularly favorable. I don't want to lose someone I love because I am such a mess, though; I don't want to feel like such a mess, either.
Looks like it's back to the meds. At least until January, when I see my doctor and look into other options. I know it's something I should have done long before now. If only I could learn to be more straightforward with my psychiatrists.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Ye Olde Wishlist
I must admit that, when it comes to the holidays, I really prefer buying gifts for other people. I am someone who sees things all year that remind me of certain people, but I feel too dorky just getting folks gifts out-of-the-blue. So I save up all my ideas for this time of year.
Despite this fact, I have been dreaming of material goods these days. I'm somewhat ashamed to admit this, but I've decided not to fight it. Afterall, I have a serious lack of the regular, enormous material possessions that most people get (and probably take for granted). Case in point: furniture. Yeah, I don't own any. The bed I sleep on belongs to my roommate's family. The bookshelves on which I keep my books and the desk on which I keep my laptop - all my roommate's stuff. I was lucky to find a furnished place, even if it is not really my own. The laptop was given to me by a friend. I do have a TV, which I did buy (I am a sucker for movies and can't live without them). However, when the DVD player on it broke last month, my girlfriend passed her old one onto me.
The fact is, I never buy material goods except the occasional much-needed clothing item (and only when I get really desperate) and things like books, cds or movies (but usually only if I can get them at half-price or if my money goes to a terrific independent bookstore like Women & Children First in Andersonville). I own almost nada. Hard to believe, but it's true.
This fact never really bothers me most of the time. I don't want to have so much to carry anymore, because I move so often. I get antsy. I don't like living with other people, so if I have to, I try to play "musical roommates" as much as possible. The one time I did live in my own place, though (gods, what bliss!), I had to move from there, too. Long, depressing story that involves the death of a parent, a slight mental breakdown, unemployment and me moving back to North Carolina for a brief (but not brief enough) and miserable stint. Yes, it makes sense that I have lightened my load over the years.
However, that said, I am seriously lacking in "stuff." And I miss it. Not that I expect you guys to go buy me beds, bookshelves or even the screws to put such things together. But you know, if you ever want to, I won't stop you. Heh.
Anyway, since we're on the subject of holidays, I updated my Amazon Wishlist recently. It basically includes pretty much everything I could possibly want or need. Of course, gift cards for places like Target would be nice, too. I am getting to a desperate pants situation lately (i.e, I am falling out of all but two pairs). Ah, holidays.
Despite this fact, I have been dreaming of material goods these days. I'm somewhat ashamed to admit this, but I've decided not to fight it. Afterall, I have a serious lack of the regular, enormous material possessions that most people get (and probably take for granted). Case in point: furniture. Yeah, I don't own any. The bed I sleep on belongs to my roommate's family. The bookshelves on which I keep my books and the desk on which I keep my laptop - all my roommate's stuff. I was lucky to find a furnished place, even if it is not really my own. The laptop was given to me by a friend. I do have a TV, which I did buy (I am a sucker for movies and can't live without them). However, when the DVD player on it broke last month, my girlfriend passed her old one onto me.
The fact is, I never buy material goods except the occasional much-needed clothing item (and only when I get really desperate) and things like books, cds or movies (but usually only if I can get them at half-price or if my money goes to a terrific independent bookstore like Women & Children First in Andersonville). I own almost nada. Hard to believe, but it's true.
This fact never really bothers me most of the time. I don't want to have so much to carry anymore, because I move so often. I get antsy. I don't like living with other people, so if I have to, I try to play "musical roommates" as much as possible. The one time I did live in my own place, though (gods, what bliss!), I had to move from there, too. Long, depressing story that involves the death of a parent, a slight mental breakdown, unemployment and me moving back to North Carolina for a brief (but not brief enough) and miserable stint. Yes, it makes sense that I have lightened my load over the years.
However, that said, I am seriously lacking in "stuff." And I miss it. Not that I expect you guys to go buy me beds, bookshelves or even the screws to put such things together. But you know, if you ever want to, I won't stop you. Heh.
Anyway, since we're on the subject of holidays, I updated my Amazon Wishlist recently. It basically includes pretty much everything I could possibly want or need. Of course, gift cards for places like Target would be nice, too. I am getting to a desperate pants situation lately (i.e, I am falling out of all but two pairs). Ah, holidays.
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